The world has lost it's way again, but you are here with me, it makes it okay

Home and Healthy

2010-02-27T18:51:00.000-08:00

Aside from the 4 small incisions in my upper abdomen (one being in my belly button), I am home and feeling pretty darn good!

Wednesday at 10:25pm, I had my gallbladder removed laproscopically. What a wonderful way to have surgery - no joke! Instead of a 6 inch slice across my abdomen, I have 4 very small, very quickly healing little holes. Of course, there is some discomfort, but nothing some T3s can't handle. And the plus is that I got to go home not even 12 hours after the operation!

I'm not supposed to bend over and pick T-man up out of his crib, or off the floor, and I'm a little too tender to hold him against my stomach, but I can (for a short while, considering his weight now) hold him on my left hip. He is such a good kid, he's pretty much happy as long as he's near by.

Aside from staying in the hospital for 3 days, just waiting for something to happen, this was definitely a better experience than the last time I was admitted.

Now lets just hope that's the last time for a long time I have to be checked in to that "hotel"...

"all expenses paid, free vacation"

2010-02-24T10:04:00.000-08:00

written originally on Wednesday, February 24...

I am, again, in the hospital. However, I had a little bit of time to mentally prepare myself for this stay (not like my appendectomy stay).

I was told last Friday that my gallbladder was inflamed, and the pain I was suffering was likely a gallstone passing. I got some morphine, and they sent me home with some strong oral painkillers and a surgeons phone number, to whom I was told to call on Monday.

It didn't take long before the pain was overcoming the painkillers, so on Sunday evening dad and I trekked back to the E.R. Where we proceeded to wait 6 hours before I was admitted with not only gallstones, but also pancreatitus. The next day I was informed that my liver function was likewise suffering a blow. My surgeon hoped to have a gastrointerologyst do a scope on me to have a look and see if there was a stone blocking the entrance to my stomach from the three ducts from my liver, pancreas and gallbladder.

Unfortunately, there have been some cutbacks, and the g.i. Dr can't do the scope til next week. So my surgeon is going to "stick his neck out a little" and take an xray, and if it comes back and he can see no obstruction, he will proceed with removing my gallbladder.

Now we're just waiting for the hospital to say "Go!"... which could happen today... or it might not happen til Friday.

Oh please oh please let it be today! As nice as this "vacation" is... I doubt a 5 star hotel would ask a guest to sleep in the hallway. That's right, folks, I am one of two who doesn't get a room, just a well lit, completely public hospital bed squashed to the side of the hallway.

I have...

2010-02-12T11:08:00.000-08:00

... A wonderful 3 month old son.
Who...
jabbers all the time, and LOUDLY
loves to stand, all the time
laughs really hard when I ask him what he's doing, and tell him he's a silly boy
enjoys playing with his bottle more than actually drinking it
tries to sit up by himself by lunging his head and arms forward
smiles the second I pop my head over the side of his crib after a nap
is starting to look more and more like me and less like his daddy
likes his excersaucer, but only if someone is nearby to talk to him while he stands
is almost too big for his baby bathtub
brightens every moment of my day

I have...

... gastroperesis
which means my stomach doesn't "empty" in a timely fashion, so the food that sits in my stomach for a long period of time makes me sick.
it occured daily until I asked my doctor if that's what I have, and he confirmed it and gave me meds.
I can eat again!!! And enjoy it!

I have...

an incredibly supportive and loving fiance
who...

rubs my back when it aches, or when it doesn't
runs at me and then stops suddenly and kisses my forehead
hugs me when I'm feeling down, or when I'm not
teases me about the silly things I do, but in a very loving way
makes me feel important

I have...

wonderful parents
who...
love Thomas almost as much as I do
help me out a lot more than I say "thank you" for
I genuinely enjoy being around
are very close and dear friends of mine

I have...
a lot to be thankful for

picnik

2010-02-04T15:57:00.000-08:00

I was recently pointed in the direction of a photo editing site, Picnik. I LOVE IT! I edit all my photos there! I'm even making a digital Thomas scrapbook, because I'm waaayy too lazy to do the whole gluing and cutting thing... :)
here's some of my picnik'd photos :)

i love being a mommy

2010-01-18T18:26:00.000-08:00

i love being a mommy! every smile he flashes my way, every laugh (though rare, they last for a loooong time when the happen) , every time he rubs his little face on my shoulder... it melts me and makes me know that, though we didn't mean for life to happen this way, i love every second of it, and wouldn't want to be doing anything else right now.

Thomas is 13lbs and 2oz at 2 months old. He smiles all the time, especially when he sees mommy, daddy, grandma or grandpa. He loves to stand (obviously with assistance), he likes his swing and he likes to talk to the monkeys that are the mobile above the swing. He is too big for his bassinet now, so he sleeps in his crib with all his little teddies. He apparently has reflux, so I'm going to start putting a folded up towel under his head and shoulder so he doesn't wake up choking anymore; 'cause that's really scary, and I don't like it. Thomas likes t.v., but it's probably more that he likes the bright lights, because just a few minutes ago he was staring at his daddy's laptop. :) He laughs now, which is really funny. He's in 3 month clothing already. Which is fine by me, because he gets to wear real things now like jeans and t shirts.

He naps an hour before noon, then he goes back down around 1 and and sleeps til 5. it's wonderful. He's wonderful.

What's New?

2009-12-29T13:09:00.000-08:00

Well, for starters, I am now without an appendix. Just before Thomas turned one month, I landed myself in the emergency. My parents had to take care of Thomas while I was in hospital for 4 days, then they had to continue to help me with him during the initial recovery period, because I was told not to lift anything heavier than 10 lbs, which Thomas had just sky-rocketed past.

But all is well. I am doing fine, save a few more scars - good thing I've got that BioOil stuff... hopefully it works as well as the commercials say. Oh, and I might have an Ulcer... I'm a medical mystery, as far as why I'm still alive, I assure you.

On to Thomas!
He is growing so fast! I can hardly keep up. And obviously he's my favorite person in the world. He's out of his "newborn" clothes, and into his "0-3m" stuff (I had no idea there was a difference!). I sorted through all the clothing that was in his closet, and boy was it ever a daunting task - we've been SO blessed by friends and family just giving us hand-me-downs. Thomas has discovered his tongue, and it is currently being thrust in and out of his little mouth with much happiness. He's also started to smile quite consistently - at my dad the most - and is attempting giggle like noises. He "chatters" when he wants someones attention, and when we look at him, he gives us a wide eyed "what you looking at" face, and goes completely silent. Silly kid.

Christmas was a blast with him. Josh and I bought him a ridiculous little Santa suit, and we paraded him around in it on Christmas Eve at my uncles. Thomas was such a hit - of course! - and behaved very well. He always behaves really well! He fights sleep like a champion; kicks and punches the air to keep himself awake, all while his eyelids are nearly closed and he's just looking through a little cracks. My little munchkin has decided that in the early morning - 3am to 8am- he would like to sleep beside mommy, and thats the only way he will stay asleep til 8am... and well, I happen to like sleeping in til 8am so I'm going along with it for now... hopefully it doesn't turn into a big habit.

Well, I hate to say it, but I'd better get some laundry done, then we'll go for a walk. :)

2009-12-17T16:02:00.000-08:00

We love our son :)
And each other :)
Always have,
Always will.

Best Friends,

Forever.
<3

2009-12-13T17:42:00.000-08:00

Thomas,
not only are you so darn cute, you're also such a good little boy. Even when mommy had to go away for 5 days to stay in the hospital, you were so good for grandma and grandpa. :) Mommy should all better very soon, now that her appendix is out. So don't you worry, we'll have lots of time for snuggles.
You're a whole month old already, and so strong and smart. You lift your head up often, and try to keep it there for minutes at a time. You watch people walk past you, following very smoothly with your eager eyes. You've discovered your tongue, and stick it out and lick things with it. You've grown to a pudgy 9 lbs 15oz, and you're almost out of your newborn sleepers. :) Soon you'll fit in your Santa suit, and Mommy will take lots of pictures of you. :)
You growl and grunt like you're a bear, and so we call you Baby Bear, which works perfectly, because Daddy growls too, and Mommy's been calling him Daddy Bear for a while now :)
Mommy and Daddy Love you, so much!

Welcome!!!

2009-11-19T19:49:00.001-08:00

Welcome to our lives, Thomas!

It took several hours (approx 30) to get you here, but you made it at 9:01am on November 11, 2009. Mommy went through quite a bit to get you here; 3 trips to the hospital before they admitted us. For some reason, you didn't want to move past mommy's pelvis, though you were definitely small enough to fit. So after mommy could no longer form words or sentences, and had made very good friends with the gas mask, a very nice nurse named Patty found a doctor to deliver you via c-section. Four tries with the epidural, and finally mommy went numb, and you were born!
The moment they held you up over the curtain for me to see, I thought you were the most wonderful little boy I'd ever seen. I loved you instantly. You're my wonderful, precious little boy, and every day since you were born has been the greatest day of my life, increasingly. I adore you.

Love,
Mommy

come and gone

2009-11-06T12:05:00.000-08:00

Well Baby,

Your due date has come and gone... and we're still waiting to see your beautiful face. It's okay though, because I know it'll be soon.

We went and saw our prenatal doctor yesterday - she's the one that pokes at you through mommy's tummy and listens to your heartbeat - and she said that the fluid your so happily floating in is a little bit lower than they would like it to be. So today we're going to get another picture of you via ultrasound - again, you'll be poked and pressed upon, but smile for the camera please sweety - and to see if the fluid is lower. Then they'll hook mommy up to a monitor to listen to your heartbeat and see if you're under any stress. I don't think you are, because you're kicking me playfully as I right this. If the fluids are lower, than mommy will probably get to meet you tonight or tomorrow morning, because the doctor will induce me. You probably won't like that much, because that will mean that all the muscle that's been protecting you for the past 9 months will start to squish and push you down and out. If everything looks okay though, and you don't seem to be under any stress, it might be another 5 days before mommy gets to hold you. Though, the doctor thinks you'll make your appearance naturally by Sunday, and I won't complain!

There are lots of people waiting to meet you, and they expect you to be healthy and happy (well, as happy as you can be having just been squeezed out of your comfortable nest).

I guess I'll be seeing you soon.

Love Mommy

ready, set...

2009-10-26T12:27:00.000-07:00

My bags are packed, and I'm ready to go... but someone seems to have missed the memo...

Baby, mommy is getting more and more anxious and apprehensive... think we could do this soon before I think too much more on how to bring you into the world?

No rush... but hurry...

2009-10-19T15:06:00.000-07:00

Dear Baby in Utero,

Papa is home from the hospital now, so it's okay if you want to make your debut... :)
In fact, your daddy and I would really really like to meet you - soon! We are VERY anxious... so any day now would be perfect...

Don't get me wrong, little one, I love every moment of feeling you push on my and swish around, but I really would love to hold you and get to know your little personality. I'd like to bathe you, and dry you, and smell your baby fresh skin. I want to snuggle so badly with you. Sing you lullabies, rock you, burp you... and I know that Nana is just as eager to hold her very first Grand baby.

All mommy and daddy's friends at church want to meet you too, and are all hoping we'll show up next Sunday with you in tow... though I think you and I might want to stay home for a little while, to get to know each other really well. :) Wouldn't that we be nice, little one? For you and I to spend some time together? I know you're probably quite comfortable with the knowledge you have of me so far, seeing as I've kept you warm and fed and safe inside me the last 8.5 months, but I really could use the breathing room... and the bladder room, for that matter. I do understand, if you'd like to stay in my tummy for a little while longer, but could you try not to keep us waiting too much longer? I'm eager to know if you will be Mommy's little Girl or Mommy's little Boy. :)

I love you, already, little one. And we can't wait to meet you. :)

Hey you, in there!!

2009-10-08T12:30:00.000-07:00

I'M SO READY TO MEET YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

come on out soon :)

love mommy

a few things about pregnancy...

2009-10-01T12:38:00.000-07:00

Although I haven't been terribly diligent in writing about this pregnancy, I've decided I would like to share a few things about it. Things I've enjoyed, things I haven't.

First off, 9 months has gone by so fast. When I first thought about the length of pregnancy, it felt as though it would be an eternity before I'd get to hold my beautiful little one. I've been excited the whole time; almost in a dream like state, because I've never done this before and therefor it doesn't all seem real to me.

I'm exactly 4 weeks (29 days) away from the day my babe is due for us to meet, and although I do know there's a life inside of me - I feel it move and stretch and kick and turn - it is still incredibly difficult for me to envision the first moments I will have with this little person.

I watch "Birth Day" and "A Baby Story" almost every day; I study what the mothers reactions are, wondering how similar mine will be, wondering how similar Josh's will be to the fathers. It almost makes me emotional just with the thought. I can't wait. I can't wait to meet my little person, for them to stop forcing their feet into my ribs, for the heartburn to stop, the discomfort in my back and legs, the swelling in my hands and feet... but at the same time, I've grown quite fond of the movement within me. I'd almost like to keep it there another 9 months to see if anything feels more real to me; less intangible. Though, I do certainly want to start our 3 lives together.

I'd say I've enjoyed pregnancy quite a lot. I absolutely love feeling this sweet little being push and kick and twist inside me. I love the feeling this babe gives me. I feel so blessed and privileged to be able to carry a child. To be healthy (mostly) the entire time, and to know that my little one is healthy too.

Yes, there have definitely been aches and pains, but I know they're for a good cause; I'm carrying a life within myself that is growing and being sustained by me. I carry it safely. As it gets bigger the aches and pains get worse, but I'm generally okay with it as long as I'm still mostly mobile. I still am able to walk to the McLaren's house and watch the kids, walk to their school. Those kids are so excited for my baby.

I love hearing what everyone thinks I'm going to have; boy or girl, what day, that sort of stuff. I have a lot of people saying that this little wonder is going to be a girl. And to be difficult, my dad (Papa) and my brother have decided that they will have a Grandson/Nephew. My mother (Nana) however, has definitely decided that there is a Lily in my belly. :)

I love looking at all the stuff daddy and I can get for our bundle of joy and love. I have loved getting the nursery ready and up to my maternal instinct standards. I can't wait to relax in my wonderful rocking chair with my little one. I'm more than excited to watch this little person grow and develop. It will be so fun to record all the wonderful things they learn and do; the little gurgles they'll make, the gas smiles that will spread across their face like when daddy passes gas too.

Daddy and I have done all our preparations; we've gone to the labor and delivery class, taken a tour of the maternity ward at the hospital, the nursery is all ready. All we have to do is vacuum the car and put in the car seat, and we're ready to roll. :)

Pregnancy has been a fun filled adventure, and both Daddy and I are very excited to meet our Lily or Thomas, whenever they're ready to be met.

2009-08-18T19:12:00.000-07:00

23 weeks preggo
my view
again 23 weeks preggo
possibly everyone elses view
28 weeks preggo

29 weeks preggo

still a secret! haha!

2009-04-16T12:36:00.000-07:00

i want to show!!!!!!!!!!

2009-03-18T19:50:00.000-07:00

oh shit. the Loft burnt down. there goes my best job ever. great.
and an ex-coworker thinks it's funny. she says it "karma". eff karma, it's bs. karma has NOTHING to do with it. just bad effing luck. she called my boss an asshole too, so she's in my bad books already. eff. she freaking calls me today to find out the scoop on what happened. pretended everything between us was just fine and dandy. not so, not so.

so i guess it's look for a new job time. damn. i really liked that job. so freaking much. it was my plan, and now what? in 6 months, my situation is going to be HUGE and i'll be working some dead-end job that i don't want to be at.

or i guess i could apply for ei, and nanny a bit more. maybe that'll work. i'd say it's high time to pray. 'cause i thought i knew God's plan, and then my plan burnt down. maybe that was my problem. it wasn't His plan... but really, You burn it down just to teach me to rely more on You... i don't think that's very fair. i know You'll teach me something though. someday.